What is an amicable divorce?

An amicable divorce in British Columbia is one where both people handle their separation with respect, goodwill, and a commitment to a fair outcome, even when they disagree. It doesn't require that you see eye-to-eye on everything, only that disagreements are resolved without bitterness or unnecessary conflict. Most people, even those who have an amicable divorce, disagree about some aspects of their separation; the key is the way in which disagreements are handled. For most British Columbia couples, family mediation is the most effective way to achieve an amicable resolution.

“Amicable” is defined as:

1. Friendly in attitude, or decisions or agreements achieved with friendly attitudes and without unpleasant argument, often despite a difficult situation.[1]

2. Characterized by or showing goodwill; friendly; peaceable; implies a desire on the part of the parties not to quarrel.[2] (“Quarrel” is defined as an angry dispute or altercation; a disagreement marked by a temporary or permanent break in friendly relations.)[3]

3. Relations between people having a spirit of friendliness, without serious disagreement or rancor.[4] (“Rancor” is defined as bitterness or resentfulness, especially when long-standing).[5]

Being “amicable” does not mean that you need to give up your entitlements so as to avoid a disagreement. It means that you will handle the disagreement in a respectful, peaceful way, free of bitterness and unpleasantness.

Certainly, there can be concessions made to reach an agreement. In fact, usually there are some concessions made on both sides during any negotiation. Where one needs to be cautious is not to make the mistake of allowing oneself to be treated unfairly in an attempt to be amicable. Truly, I don’t think a divorce can be called amicable if the agreement between the parties is unfair to one of them. In order to be characterized by goodwill and a spirit of friendliness, an agreement must be fair to both parties. If it’s unfair, the word “amicable” in such a situation would be used incorrectly to describe one person bending to the will of the other in order to avoid his or her rancor.

An amicable divorce involves disagreeing without being disagreeable, and it involves a fair outcome. The concept of fairness is a complicated topic in and of itself but, in order to be considered amicable, an agreement should seem fair overall from the perspective of both parties, both of whom have been fully informed with proper financial disclosure and legal advice.

What does an amicable divorce look like in practice?

An amicable divorce is one in which both people communicate respectfully, share financial information openly and honestly, and work together to reach a fair resolution. It doesn't require that you be friends, or that the process be without difficulty. It simply means that both people are committed to handling their separation with dignity and without unnecessary conflict.

In practical terms, an amicable divorce in British Columbia typically involves both people reaching agreement on property division, debt, parenting, and support through a non-adversarial process, and documenting those terms in a legally-binding Separation Agreement without the need for court intervention.

What are the benefits of an amicable divorce?

The benefits extend well beyond the obvious financial savings of avoiding litigation. An amicable process is faster, less stressful, and far less damaging to the relationships that matter, particularly the co-parenting relationship if you have children. People who have a hand in crafting their own agreement tend to be more satisfied with the outcome and more likely to comply with its terms, which reduces the potential for future conflict. An amicable separation also allows both people to move forward with their lives more quickly and with their dignity intact.

What is the difference between an amicable divorce and an uncontested divorce?

These terms are sometimes used interchangeably but they are not the same thing.

An amicable divorce refers to the spirit and process by which the separation is resolved. It is about how you treat each other and how you reach your agreement, not the legal status of the proceedings.

An uncontested divorce simply means that neither party is opposing the divorce application itself in court. This step would actually come after what is referred to as an amicable divorce and the Separation Agreement has been completed. Find out more about the difference between a Separation Agreement and a divorce.

What are the benefits of an amicable divorce for children?

Children are significantly affected by how their parents handle separation. Research consistently shows that it is not the divorce itself that causes the most harm to children — it is the level of conflict they are exposed to. An amicable divorce models healthy conflict resolution, maintains both parents' relationships with the children, and allows children to adjust to their new family structure without the added burden of ongoing parental hostility. If you have children, choosing an amicable process is one of the most important things you can do for their well-being.

Can you have an amicable divorce if your spouse is difficult?

This is one of the most common concerns we hear. The short answer is: often, yes. People who seem unreasonable or entrenched in private conversations frequently respond very differently in a structured mediation environment with a skilled neutral mediator. The mediator's role is to create the conditions for productive conversation, manage power imbalances, and help both people focus on practical solutions rather than grievances. Mediation has an extremely high success rate even in situations where communication has broken down. However, a mediator obviously cannot help a person overcome serious mental health issues, a personality disorder, substance abuse or other such difficulties that may make them “difficult” to deal with. For this reason, proper screening through a Pre-Mediation Initial Consultation is very important to ensure that mediation is appropriate for your situation.

How does mediation support an amicable divorce in British Columbia?

Family mediation is the most effective path to an amicable divorce for most British Columbia couples. Rather than each hiring your own lawyer to negotiate against each other (which is a process that almost inevitably escalates conflict), mediation brings both people together with a neutral family mediator who helps you find solutions that work for both of you. In British Columbia, a Family Law Mediator who is also a lawyer can prepare your legally-binding Separation Agreement directly, which means you can complete the entire process efficiently, affordably, and without ever setting foot in a courtroom.

 

We are focused on efficient & amicable separations. It’s what we do. In fact, we’ve helped nearly 1000 couples peacefully transition into a new stage of life. We’re here to help.

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